I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
