You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Someone signed my nipple.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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