this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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