I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
