i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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