I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
