then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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