my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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