i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
