worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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