No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh god it's open bar.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
