Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
