Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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