Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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