She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
