So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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