even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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