My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
