Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
3 2 1 whiskey
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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