There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
