You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
