We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found puke in my bra..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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