I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Come on in and take your pants off
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