You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
