theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
this just has baby written all over it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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