Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lo siento on account of my penis...