My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
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I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.