dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.