I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....