Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?