Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?