yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
