i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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