I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
