you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
