I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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