Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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