Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
