Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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