I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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