I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
