Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
