yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
