What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
