I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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