Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
