Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
