Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she smelled like a LAN party
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
