I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
