I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
