At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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