It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
