That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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