I'm going to jail i love you
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
