youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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