Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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