my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
