just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
