So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
