Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
