My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I deserve this hangover.
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