Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
