remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
