can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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