Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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