the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
