last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
