I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
