Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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