I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
