last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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