I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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