The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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