This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
