for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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