Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
