We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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