between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
