I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do herpes really smell.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
