yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
