I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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