Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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