If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
