Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
