Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
