My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Actions speak louder than pants.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
